The Great Undoing

Team Humanity Messages of Hope #11

Undoing something often takes a lot longer than doing it. Imagine untangling a ball of yarn full of knots. The knots likely happened quickly. The yarn may have dropped on the ground and rolled around. Then when you picked it up, it was full of knots. Dropping the yarn took seconds. The act of undoing the knots could take 30 minutes or more. 

Getting my second COVID vaccine in April 2021 took seconds. The consequences of my severe adverse reaction to the COVID vaccine is taking years to recover from. I do believe my body is built to heal and if I am patient enough and provide enough positive inputs to my body, mind and soul, I can get back to at least close to where I used to be. I will never be the same, however, because this experience has changed me.

Part of this great undoing includes a major slowing down. Just like untangling a ball of yarn, you can’t do it in a hurried, agitated way. This will only make the knots tighter. You have to take a deep breath, pause and settle in knowing it will take some time. It also takes focus. And what you focus on matters a lot. You also have to pay attention to what you are doing in order to make progress. 

Before my reaction I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to my different inputs. Inputs that included the Standard American Diet (SAD - for short and for sure!) that I ate without allergic reactions and without thinking they were harming me. Inputs that included mainstream media news that mostly instilled fear and division with the only occasional heartwarming story. Inputs that included working jobs in Corporate America that put money in the bank for me while sucking my soul dry.

Since my reaction and as part of my untangling of knots, my inputs are very different. I have significantly cleaned up my diet including organic juices that my amazing neighbor makes for me. In lieu of mainstream media, I select Substack writers or new sources that I watch with discernment while considering the intention and funding of the newscaster. Instead of spending hours behind a desk working to make money for shareholders, I spend my time and energy not earning money, but building back my soul as I build and support the Team Humanity community. 

Photo Credit: Anna Botz Photography

This is a huge shift for me. My body forced me to slow down and work on untangling the knots of my life that were keeping me stuck in Chronic Fatigue. This show-stopping level of fatigue is my most frustrating and debilitating symptom post adverse reaction. It’s the biggest and most complex knot of all for me. There are a number of knots that I am still working on as well. 

I still suffer with long bouts on the couch and intense pain, but I have made progress and it feels good. I am so much more in tune with my body, mind and soul. I listen when it tells me something is out of whack. Instead of stuffing the feeling down and pushing through, I take a deep breath, pause and listen to my body. Not only does “The Body Say No” (by Gabor Mate) and “The Body Keeps the Score” (by Bessel van der Kolk), most importantly, if I listen with self compassion and empathy, the body has the answers. I must slow down and tune in to get the answers I need to improve the fatigue and pain. It doesn’t work any other way.

I wish for you that you can slow down enough to untangle your own knots without having to go through a major health crisis. I wish for you that you can gain self compassion to treat your own body, mind and soul with love. Through a softening towards your own experience it will get easier to soften towards the experiences of others.

I wish for the world that we can untangle the inputs that are tearing us apart. With some time, patience, empathy, compassion and a whole lot of love for our fellow humankind, I do believe in my heart of purple hearts that we can and will get there together.